I Need That Song

Christmas this year didn't really feel like Christmas. So after Advent, and a month of all sorts of anticipation, it's left me feeling unfulfilled.

A number of things were different this year. It's the first time in around fifteen years I haven't been in Boise during the holiday season. Even though growing up we'd spent every other Christmas with our dad, we still had time during break with our mom in Boise. Once I went to college, I still made a trip home for a few days at some point during break. This year, Christmas with my mom was in Louisiana. It was great to see her, but it wasn't the same. At this point, with the boyfriend and I moving to Virginia this spring, I don't know when, or even if, I'll see Boise again...or any of my friends there.

Mass was incredibly disappointing on Christmas. It's been a few years since I made it to the Christmas vigil--I didn't go last year, and the year before I was traveling on Christmas eve. I was really excited to go. The church I usually go to in Palm Springs doesn't have a website so I didn't know what time they had vigil Mass at, so my stepmom and I went to a different church for theirs. It was the most bizarre Mass ever. First, when we walked in, in the back pew was a clown. A Santa clown. Bright green wig, terrifying clown makeup, and giant red suit. Yeah. Then the choir would instruct the congregation on the next song--we're singing this song, these verses, whatever--and then sometimes do something different anyways. On top of all that, the priest was a complete flake. He stuttered his way through the whole thing, forgot a few parts of Mass, and forgot lines that probably half the congregation could have recited for him. Of course, since it's Christmas, most of the people there are confused and lost anyways--either C&E Catholics who aren't as used to Mass anymore, or friends and family who've been dragged along or are just curious about the service. Other things, like people sitting down too soon before Communion, a whole family (who took a whole row) at the back just decided they didn't want to wait and walked up in front of everyone else, and then more confusion as to the order of things...really, the whole thing was a disaster. Then at the end the priest thanked everyone who had helped with preparations for the Mass and everything, and people applauded. I think I've only heard clapping in Mass once before...and it was weird then too. I was glad to get out of there.

There was one point during Mass that made me laugh. After collections, when everything was being carried up to the altar, a little girl, maybe three years old, went running (and since she was three, "running" is used very loosely here) down the center aisle, clutching a bill in her hand, up above her head. She was determined to get her money up there. It was pretty cute :)

On top of all that, having no gifts to open on Christmas, and weather warm enough to sunbathe, just kind of made it seem like Christmas never really came at all.

The worst part of Christmas of course is this deployment. It's now been two Christmases in a row that the boyfriend and I have been apart (last year was my fault...I was in Boise). Of course we don't know yet where we'll be for the holidays next year, but we're both looking forward to it at least being our first Christmas together.